Herbivore Hibari
by T. Alana M
Summary: Hibari takes a walk in Tsuna's shoes... With a crazy Arcobaleno of his own, will Hibari survive being the weakling for once?
1. Reappearance

**So. My buddy and me were probably drunk when we spawned this monster. We were like, what would happen if _Hibari _had a fear of Arcobalenos too? He acts so cool all the time, he must have a weakness. Aside from the Sakura thing. (But let's face it, Sakura Haruno is one scary bitch. That's why Hibari hates the flowers.)  
**

**And, I mean, Fon's pretty scary, right? What kind of assassin smiles politely all the fucking time? He must have a secretly evil persona.  
**

**And he takes it out on his poor, unsuspecting grandkid.**

* * *

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

The five year old boy could feel his heart beating against his ribcage. Cold sweat dotted his forehead.

He bit his lip and pressed himself further into the cramped cupboard.

He had to hide.

He couldn't let _him_ find him. He would die if he was found. Found by that monster, the monster that was

"Kyoyaaa, here you are!"

The 40 centimeter tall monster that was his grandfather.

Kyoya hibari bawled as he was dragged away by the smiling baby who was nearly half his size.

He should have listened when Great-great grandpa Alaude(who kept cursing the fact that his only remaining grandchild was a complete psychopath, and had joined a group of _other _total psychopaths..) told the five year old to kill himself. But it was too late for him. The saying it's better late than never, didn't sound as sweet as it used to...

Kyoya tried to struggle his way out of his deadly grandpa's grip, but it was too hard, moreover, he could foresee his near future if he did try to escape.

He envisioned a tombstone.

... but now that he mentioned it, the cemetery DID sound like a good place to be. No worries, just resting there, while your soul takes a trip to heaven. Heck, even hell sounded better than the torturous hellish earth where his grandpa was living in.

But he knew, after his grandpa made a contract with he devil itself, there is no way out of his grandpa's cycle of torture..

Perhaps it was a bit melodramatic, but he was five. The 'devil' he was referring to was probably that other crazy baby who liked to come to their house, the one who wore a black suit and often tried to use his pet bird as target practice. He didn't know what a devil was like, but he was pretty sure that baby was one.

And the worst thing was that crazy black suited baby came over to pay them a visit nearly every Saturday.

And too bad for the poor kid, today was Saturday.

He tried in vain to find a hiding spot for himself and his stockpile of small yellow birds.

_Usually that devil comes at 3 o'clock,_ he thought to himself.

He exhaled in relief, thinking that there was still a lot of time for him to hide.

Then the clock chimed 3 times.

Kyoya noticed that he stopped breathing for a few seconds.

"Ciaossu~ "

_'HE'S HERE! THE DEVIL IS HERE! WHYYY!?'_

"Ni hao, Reborn."

The five year old could do nothing but mourn internally for the impeding deaths of his pets.

To his surprise and horror, the black suited creature did not ignore him as he usually did. Instead, he turned his dark,scary eyes on him and said to his grandfather.

"Don't you think it's about time you started training him, Fon?" The gleaming steel of a gun appeared from the black jacket.

"Not by you, old friend." Fon said good naturedly. Kyoya heaved a sigh of relief. "I'll train him myself." And the sigh was sucked back in so fast that he choked. His grandfather thumped his back absentmindedly.

"Grandpa...what are you trying to do now?"

"Isn't it obvious? I am going to train you of course!"

He gave his grandpa a weird, slightly scared look.

"What kind of training?"

"One of the things I learned from the Triad. It's called... Dodge or Die.. :)"

"I hate you."

* * *

Hibari was once again hiding. This time, he was taking solitude in the house of that Sawada boy the demon liked so much. He didn't know how he managed to end up here. All he knew was that one moment he had been proclaiming his undying hatred, and the next he was running as fast as his little legs could carry him, trying to dodge the volley of shurikens and tiny grandpa didn't like being hated. Then a barrage of bullets joined in, and the other demon said he was bored.

The little boy went inside the very first hiding spot he found, which happened to be inside the hole under the cupboard.

It was dark, and small... and he thought no one would think he was there... but he thought wrong... those demons knew how their prey thought. Poor Kyoya only had five minutes of repreive.

With a creepy smile on his face, it made Hibari cry in tears of fear, and hatred, and sorrow, and sadness, and evry other sad things that mixed in Hibari's bowl of extreme emotions. Then, the other small demon came and said

"I brought you a playmate~"

And then, he revealed the small 5 year old Sawada Tsunayoshi, who was crying and weeping with fear.. just like the normal Dame Tsuna... and then, the black baby demon asked,

"Who do you want me to torture first? You... or him?"

Quickly, Hibari answered...

"Him! Torture him!"

Tsuna, shocked and fearful, just cried more.. and the heartless old Hibari just shivered and hoped nothing bad would happen to him.

"Tch... you made him cry Hibari... you shall pay the price for making my pupil put out an annoying sound.." the black suit demon said while taking out his gun.

Hibari just stopped breathing for 5 long seconds..

And screamed bloody murder.

* * *

A fifteen year old Hibari woke up with a start. He reached over and switched on the night light near his bed.

He shuddered. The nightmares had started ever since he saw the baby who hung around Sawada. The baby bore an unfortunate resemblance to the man his grandfather used to bring to their house.

His very, very dead grandfather.

Grandpa Fon (who was very much an adult, therefore that warped baby version did not exist) had gone to the mountains after receiving an anonymous message, about ten years ago.

He never came back.

Hibari was just fine with that arrangement.

* * *

"I am offering you to be my representative for the battle of arcobalenos,"

Hibari supressed a shudder at the sight of the baby. He did not have the time for this. He had just woken up from one of the worst dreams of his life. He needed to get to Namimori High and beat up unsuspecting people for stress relief.

"I refuse."

The baby tilted his head. "Very well."

Hibari nodded. He walked away, willing the image of guns and shurikens from his mind. He would get to the roofs of his school, and SLEEP PEACEFULLY- -

"Ni hao."

He froze in midstep. The voice was different, but the inflection, the slight accent...

Slowly, he turned around and looked down, blood draining from his face.

"Remember me, Kyoya?"

* * *

_'I don't want to remember.. but I'm forced to...'_

Yes... those horrible memories of his creepy smile, and horrid laughter, and the worst, Dodge or Die.. it was the most traumatic life for a 5 year old.. well, not only for a 5 year old.. even for a 30 year old, that would be very very very traumatic.. imagine real life shurikens thrown at you, and bazookas shot right in front of your face, and spiky tonfas trying to hit the life out of you.

So without thinking, Hibari just took 1000 steps away from his grandpa. But... he forgot one thing... his grandpa has the speed of 10 jets mixed into one jetplane... and, his grandpa was already in front of him.

"Why are you running away? Don't you want to play a game? You used to love games when you were little."

Hibari was eerily reminded of the movie he and the others had watched in Sawada's house (at the baby's insistence). Something about a rabid doll named Chucky.

"Of course I don-" stopping his words, he remembered what happened to him when he said he hated his grandfather that one time. He imagined that Fon would probably react the same way to being refused anything.

So he continued "Of course I do. But I'm a little... busy... r-right now." He was stuttering. Hibari Kyoya did not stutter. Hibari Kyoya was not scared of anything. He was busy, and he didn't have time for his not-so-dead grandfather's antics.

"You love your work more than me?" There was a dangerous edge to Fon's voice, and his ever-present smile wilted.

Hibari backtracked. "I mean... I can delay my work!"

"Awww... hearing you say that makes me realize how much you love me..."

Hibari was paralyzed with fear for a few moments, before a plan started forming in his mind. If his demonic grandfather thought he loved him, perhaps the monster would leave him alone.

"Of course I love you, grandfather." He only threw up in his mouth a little. He gave himself a pat on the back.

His grandfather smiled brightly.

...And glomped onto him.

"I love you too, grandson! DEATH GLOMP MANIA ATTACK!"

..._DAFUQ!? _

And Hibari realized that Sawada Tsunayoshi wasn't such a cowardly idiot after all. Who wouldn't be terrified if he had the sole attention of an arcobaleno demon fixed on him?

Tsuna had given one good piece of advice, one that Hibari should have listened to.

"NEVER TRUST A DEMON BABY!"

END  
Copyrights:  
Creator:Alana M, Zenike Tirta W  
Courtesy of; yuliana pratama, who claims to be Kyoya's cousin and Fon's other grandchild.

* * *

**Flame away!  
**


	2. Dinner is for suckers part 1

Tsuna had been forced to come here.

He hadn't wanted to go to the Arcobaleno reunion dinner. They were enemies in the Representative battle. This was dangerous! They could kill him! He didn't want to be here! Reborn couldn't make him come here against his will because he was sure he had human rights, except Reborn totally _did_ because he held Tsuna at gun point and told him to go- -

The door slammed open.

Tsuna's hysterical thoughts (and, unknown to him, Reborn's trigger finger) paused as he turned away from the chair he was pulling out.

To his surprise (and fear) Kyoya Hibari stood in the doorway, sporting an impressive scowl. Even more surprising was the tiny baby sitting on the prefect's head.

With a little nod he quickly entered the room, avoiding getting near the school prefect. But it turned out his efforts didn't pay off. Hibari Kyoya pulled up a seat next to smaller boy could feel the other's glare searing the side of his face.

What had he done now? The older boy looked _pissed. _Tsuna was trembling with fear. Thinking of what will happen to him... All those sleepless nights wondering what the prefect would do to him if he was late again.. what will this this... Demon (because that term didn't only apply to Reborn. It stopped applying solely to him when Tsuna discovered that there were seven other demons just like him.) do to him? Hit him? Wipe him out with steel tonfas?

"Oh God no.." he thought to himself as he saw Hibari slowly pull his hand out of his pocket, presumably with some secret weapon in his palm that he could use to poison him- -

To his surprise, Hibari gave a small slip of paper. He blinked and uncurled it. It was written on, in sprawled, hurried handwriting. It said only two words that made the Decimo's eyes bulge in their sockets.

HELP ME!

* * *

Hibari Kyoya was irritated. He didn't know how he had ended up in front of the double doors leading to the Vongola's dining room, and he didn't care. He didn't want to interact with those herbivores anymore than necessary .

He turned to leave when he heard a small huff above him. To his surprise, there was suddenly enormous pressure on his head, pressing down on bone and making his brain rattle in his skull.

Oh right...That was why he was here.

"Grandfather!" he said in a strangled voice, wondering if his head was likely to explode. "Ease up!"

The pressure on his head disappeared, replaced by a light pat. "Sorry, Kyoya. It looked like you were running away..."

Kyoya winced, "I'm not! Really!"

"Lying isn't nice~" he pushed Hibari's head even harder.

"But I wasn't! I was only trying to get some sodas?" Hibari defended himself

"Oh! Okay~ Then can you bring 15 boxes of sodas, 15 boxes of snacks, and 17 more chairs while you're at it? If you're not back by 15 minutes and with all those, I must punish you~" :)

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- - - - - - - -

How in the hell had this man managed to convince everyone that he was 'nice' and 'calm'?

Hibari ran as fast as lightning. But even though he gave all his effort to get those things, he was late 30 seconds. And as promised, his "LOVELY" grandpa "HAPPILY TAUGHT" him little by little about the PAINS of lying to others. And it literally was PAINFUL.

Staggering into the dining hall, he grabbed the nearest chair in sight. Which turned out to be the one next to the herbivore.

He glared. Tsuna shifted nervously, yelping when a steel gun barrel appeared on his head.

Wait...

The herbivore knew how to survive an arcobaleno onslaught.

The herbivore could help him survive his grandfather's visit.

Scrawling a hasty note, he passed it to his future boss.

* * *

**R n R  
**


End file.
